There exists in the heart of every young man the desire for a father, to help recognize who they are, to place value on their lives beyond accomplishment, and who will love them regardless. This was never more apparent than the recent dust up over the off-field antics of another professional athlete. Ben "Big Ben" Roethlisberger is a talented, strong arm, long ball quarterback for the rugged Pittsburgh Steelers. He is also just another young man, whose notoriety and status as a professional football player is as likely to harm him as it is to help him. Crashing a motorcycle and knocking himself senseless was a tip off that not all was well with young Ben, but the latest bar scene flap is a little more dangerous in terms of being a statement of where he is at, and it is the thin ice of life that he has decided upon.
It was with interest, then, to hear of Terry Bradshaw, Hall of Famer and former Pittsburgh great, attempting to come alongside Ben and advise him in the choices he was making. So far, Ben has pressed ahead with Fred Flintstone like single mindedness. Well, they say there are two ways you can go about learning something. Thus far Ben is going with painful and embarrassing. And what did Terry have to say?
"There's nothing greater if you're single than to walk into a bar with beautiful women, and have them just fill your ego up. And you ask yourself, 'Would they pay any attention to you if you weren't, you know, who you are?' Of course not. Because I'm not that attractive, and neither is Ben. So it's nice when you can throw a football."
That puts things into perspective very well. Meanwhile some hack sports writer is giggling over the fact that Terry was never perceived as a cerebral kind of guy, unlike some newspaper writers we all all have to endure. It seems he always struck him as a simple country boy that 'don't know nothin'.
Hey, paperboy, that's an image Terry cultivated. My guess is he felt it would disarm people and help him sell himself after the game was gone. And there is a lot of truth to the image of country boy, but one thing those uptown newspaper sophisticates just never seem to learn is that being a country boy from the South doesn't make you slow. The man read the best defenses in the NFL, took a pounding and lead his team to four Superbowl Championships. Dumb quarterbacks don't do that. Ever.
"Our relationship is not any good. When I told him to park the motorcycle, he got pissed. Alright? Then he had the accident. And since then, there's, you know ... he doesn't like me, and I'm learning not to like him."
The fact is, it doesn't matter to Terry whether Ben wrecks his life or not, but speaking from experience, it is painful to watch people you care about drive into the brick walls of life. Painful. The thing for Terry is to be ready to hold out a hand in friendship. You can't make Ben do the right thing. But sooner or later, the opportunity to love him as a brother will arise.
We hear about so many celebrities -- athletic and otherwise -- in all their scandalous recklessness, as Roethlisberger seems determined to be heard of. Given some of the accusations made by women with whom he has crossed paths , it's hard to feel too concerned on his behalf. But it is such a joy to hear that someone still feels that a younger person on "thin ice" is worth making an effort for. I know very little about Bradshaw, other than his being quite the football hero, and later commentator. But I immediately find I admire him, and want to like him, for his attempts to reach out to this young man. The world is so thickly populated with bozos like "Big Ben." It is so great to hear about the occasional Terry Bradshaw.
ReplyDeleteBut what keeps bringing me back to this is how you began:
There exists in the heart of every young man the desire for a father, to help recognize who they are, to place value on their lives beyond accomplishment, and who will love them regardless.
I'm always telling you how much I like the way you phrase things, but it's always true. You've summed up so much, so elegantly -- and it makes me want to talk about this, learn more from your perspective. Particularly this aspect of "(placing) value on their lives beyond accomplishment." Because that's it, isn't it? That's what drives men -- and what drives them away from other kinds of satisfaction, even happiness, when there isn't something or someone to help them make room for balance?
"it makes me want to talk about this, learn more from your perspective. Particularly this aspect of "(placing) value on their lives beyond accomplishment." Because that's it, isn't it? That's what drives men -- and what drives them away from other kinds of satisfaction, even happiness, when there isn't something or someone to help them make room for balance?"
ReplyDeleteWell, from my perspective I would say we are motivated largely to achieve because that is what we are judged by, and judge ourselves by. That is why success in one's career is very important to men, because it is against our nature to put that notion away and realize that we are valuable independent of whether or not we gained a hundred yards or got the big job, made the house deal close and so forth. So even if a wife says I love you, even though the job fell through, it is very hard for us to hear that and believe that. We feel that we are what we do, and we want to feel that it is something valuable, important and praiseworthy. And the fact of the matter is, it is our dads that we want to hear that praise from, that he values us, that he recognizes that we have become a man, that he is proud of us. And if that part is right, we tend to move more confidently through life. But of course, fathers are only human, and we all fail each other at some level, and that is why it is good for a man to have other like-minded men around them that can guide and encourage them, who have been around a bit and to whom they can share their burdens and help them work towards living a life pleasing not just to a father, but to our Father, who loves us all best and who deserves our love the most.
Ben "Big Ben" Roethlisberger's days of playng football are going to come to a close, and he will be left with the majority of his life still left to live. The crowds and cheering and big pressure and big money will all go by the wayside, and the fans will be looking for their next guy. But Terry Bradshaw will not. If Ben is wise, he will take advantage of having Terry around and interested. He is one of the few people that can understand what life is like for Ben, all of it... the pressure, the money, the physical pain of playing and competing, the women, the fickleness of fans, all of it... and he can help Ben be a man, instead of just some big guy who can throw.
Thank you, Nick. This is more helpful than you can know.
ReplyDelete